Depression, Job Hunting and Poverty & me- great combination!!!

I will just start this by saying that I have been depressed for a few months now.... it's a lot of things that are causing it... Pageant was a big one... then the fact that I have not been able to connect with any employers that are the least bit interested in me...I have sent lots of resumes out but no is calling me back. I don't handle the rejection well.

Pageant... well that is a looooooooooooooooooooooooooong story that I won't get into here except to say that there might be a possibility of a girl but I have no clue what is happening there....so on to job hunting...I went on a job interview right before pageant started at a radio station in Sacramento, and thought that I did pretty well.. I was happy and smiling and enthusiastic... and i thought that things went pretty well. This would have been a great job for me... now I know that people are thinking.. Sacramento.. and I live in Antioch which is about 60 miles apart and that seems like a long commute, but I had it worked out that I could take the train right up to work and it would be perfect... well no such luck... people have all told me that it wasn't the right job... probably true... but it is just so frustrating... because I work my tail off for the job I have now and I have no enjoyment out of this position or appreciation. The company I work for is run by LDS people and I would like to start having my weekends off again so that I could attempt to get back to church again... at least once in a while and feel like I belong somewhere. They keep giving me bonuses and double time pay and things but you know what, all of that gets eaten up in taxes so I don't ever see the bonuses. The government does. So in my eyes, all of their appreciation as I call it are eaten up... they are always calling me and telling me that I need to be more effecient in the things that I do and make better use of my time.... plbhhhhhhhhh... to that.
Three words that I HATE at the moment: Efficent, Spectacular, and I can't remember the third. oh well. not important. Moving on....
so I have sent out my resumes quite a bit this week and the weeks during pageant to no avail. No one will call me back for an interview. That does quite a number on my self-esteem... I know it shouldn't but it does. So I haven't quite felt like myself lately... and that leads to the POVERTY part of this little adventure.
Pageant made a little more poor this year. I know why... I drove to and from Antioch every day for about two and a half months. With gas prices being at $3.15 per gallon or there abouts... that costs me between $55.00 and $60.00 per fill up. Well you take filling up three times a week and twice on weekends..at say $55.00 per fill up and that comes out to lets see... $55.00 times5 carry the two and you get: trumpets please.... $275.00 per week for gas.. multiply that by 4 for the weeks in a month and you get: drum roll please.... $1100.00 a MONTH for gas. That is a
HE-- of a lot of money. After taking home about $2200.00 and paying $800.00 for rent and tithing and other things that comes out to negative numbers for the money for the month of July. OUCH that hurt... because when I am depressed what do I like to do... come on, someone out there reading this hopefully knows...?? do you?? Well, I will tell you... it is a four letter word beginning with the letter S... SHOP!!!!! Boy, do I love to shop when I am depressed... and I haven't been able to... so today... this being the 16th of August.. at 10:00pm Pacific time... I declare the poverty, not the depression, just the poverty, to end at least for a couple of days... I did by the way receive another credit card... so this will be the gas card for each month... I hope... Now I know that there are certain college students that read this blog that are "hating" me at the moment... but I will tell them that I have busted my butt this past couple of months and deserve the chance to enjoy myself a little. I am going to put some of this away in a savings account and of course pay my tithing and bills but then... look out MALL!! HERE I COME!!! YIPEE!!!

PAGEANT and WORK... which one SUCKS more!!!

Let's see, where to go... I have worked all fricking summer on Pageant and work, which somehow the two have collided and it became a big mess. YUCKY SUMMER!!!!
Let me preface this by saying out right "PAGEANT DOESN'T SUCK, THE PEOPLE WORKING IT DEFINITELY DO!!!!I started working with pageant in May with move in and the tech director decided that I would be the assistant stage manager.. which I don't mind doing. I have been spot operator, stage manager twice and assistant stage manager twice now, baby sitter once... so I have had opportunities to serve, which have ALWAYS blessed me in some way. This year I am not so sure how.. I thought that the reason for me working it was so that the Lord could teach me patience... BUT, let me TELL you... I FAILED THAT CLASS MISERABLY!!!! I have little patience for people who can't communicate something that they want done... and if you don't know how to do it will NOT take the time to teach you how.. so that you complete the job that they want done!!!! I and my "kids" as I call them, the techies, were constantly doing jobs three and four times because the person running the tech side of this fiasco, DID NOT COMMUNICATE and then he would dissapear for about ten minutes and be back hovering over you to see that it gets done. I don't deal with MICRO MANAGING AT ALL!!!!!! I would love to tell him where to SHOVE it... but we will keep it "happy" yeah right... I will agree with several people that have said that the show is looking a Road Show!!! We are!!! You don't change something that has been running well for 42 years and try and make it into a broadway production!!!!!! Yes, there are things that can change and need to... but on the whole, the saying goes, "if it ain't broke, DON'T FIX IT"!!!!
I had GREAT "kids" this summer. Most of them were there to learn and grow. They hopefully learned about the theater and what it takes to put this show on.. and that not everyone is always right. The other thing that I wanted them to take away from this show is a stronger testimony of the gospel and it's truthfulness... but I have a feeling that didn't happen and for that I am dissapointed. There were so many little battles that occured that a couple of them developed into bigger problems that occured and so the kids and I were stressed out during performances that they didn't get the chance to always enjoy themselves and relax... and that is sad.
I will finish this another time.